Stop Shrinking Yourself Ritual
You keep apologizing for taking up space, qualifying your sentences, and playing small.
What this ritual is for
Women, marginalized people, and creative individuals are conditioned to apologize for having needs or opinions. This ritual burns the apology habit at the root.
What you need(4 items)
- A red or bright yellow candle (or simple white candle)
- Red or bold black pen
- Thick paper
- A pair of sturdy scissors
Practical substitutions
You don't need to buy specialty supplies. Use what's in your home.
- →Tearing the paper with your bare hands is even more visceral if you lack scissors.
Step-by-Step Instructions
Catalog the apologies
Write down the three phrases you use when you want to minimize yourself: 'Sorry to bother you', 'I might be wrong but...', 'Just checking in if it’s okay...'
The physical shredding
Cut or rip the paper into tiny shreds. Do not be gentle. Notice the satisfying physical crunch as the paper yields to your hands.
Light the unshrinking flame
Light the candle. Place your hands on either side of the flame. Feel the heat radiating outwards without apology. A fire does not ask permission to illuminate.
State the claim
Speak loudly and without a rising inflection: 'I have a right to my voice, my boundaries, and my full stature. I stop apologizing for existing.'
Journal & Reflection Prompt
“Whose comfort am I prioritizing when I make myself smaller than I am?”
Safety Notice
Ensure proper ventilation when burning paper or candles. Maintain safe clearance from drapery.
Read our full Disclaimer and Safety Guidelines.
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